In your life as a single you have more free time to devote to the things you wish. When you get married much time and energy will go toward the desires and needs of your spouse. How do you serve god now? How do you treat your body as the temple of the Spirit? What you eat, what you watch, what you listen to how often you work out. All these things are connected to the quality of your character and your ability to attract the woman you want to marry.
I wise woman in my life told me once about relationships when I was considering marrying the girl I was with, said “what you see is what you get”. Meaning don’t expect her to be any different because you put a ring on it. Sure there will be a great blessing in the relationship because of the intimacy shared after marriage, but don’t make yourself believe the lie that the person is going to change after marriage. Gods grace can transform a heart and persons life, but don’t marry someone thinking he or she will be different once we’re married. This is great wisdom from a woman who has been married for more than 50 years. Steven Covey author of the 5 love languages said, “issues in your life prior to marriage will be magnified after marriage”. Mary the person for who they are before marriage not what you expect them to be come after the wedding night.
If you want to get married some day make steps to becoming that person now. A first step is quitting vices, porn being number one. In the first blog we looked at the 3 reasons why porn should be cut out before marriage now we look at more repercussions and practical steps to make that vision a reality.If you drag your past with porn in to your marriage you’re cutting out massive amounts of time and brainpower that can be used to build the kingdom of God.Do you want to keep you life locked in the past or become free? It’s a simple question with profound impact on this life and the next. For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. – 1 Timothy 4:8 ESV
There are many effects on your brain chemistry when you develop a habit out of porn. These changes in your brain influence you life in ways that lead roads you don’t want to go on, paths you don’t want to take, including depression, and decreased ability to feel and experience Joy and pleasure outside of the world of porn. In the Ted talk “the great porn experiment” by Gary Wilson he examines the findings of a group of ex porn users to reveal shocking truths from research subjects who have chosen to walk away. By walking away their life has become renewed and restored. These findings come from the secular world up applied science, but the results speak for them selves. One particular man in this late twenties who was a porn addict since age 14 had seen psychiatrists and and psychologists over 8 years and been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, memory impairment and even experienced ED. He had taken many different prescription drugs, dropped out of college, been fired from various jobs before he realized that porn was the problem. Yes this is an extreme case but reveals problems not too uncommon in the life of an addict. Two months after quitting porn, it was not easy but he said, “My anxiety is no existent. My memory and focus are sharper than they ever been. I feel like a huge ‘chick magnet and my Ed is gone too. I serous think I had a rebirth a second change at life”. This is example shows us that there are real dodgy consequences by living a life of porn. If your using it now you may not have anything to the level that this subject had in his life, but all of those negative effects are evident in your life even if they are very small or you don’t realize it. What you see is what you get. Or what you don’t see, the latent defects in your brain and you life, will be enough that the abundant life Christ promised will seam out of reach.
As one who has experienced the life giving freedom from porn I will offer a couple of biblical steps to help you find the exit ramp from porn.
Times of Refreshing
If you don’t repent sin will keep you stuck in this place where your bogged down and eventually sink the ship. The word instructs us with a powerful guide on repentance showcasing the benefits. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord. – Acts 3:19. How about sin being wiped and out times of refreshing? I don’t know about you but I needed that after the dried out life that porn left me in. We know that our actions can lead us down a risky path, but Jesus thought that even our thoughts can too when he said: But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. – Matt 5:28. As you already know your not just lusting when you look at porn, but lust sticks on you and erodes your thoughts. To avoid a perilous course for you life, I encourage you to turn from your porn habit by repentance and watch the renewal and refreshment come.
The Mind of Christ
So develop the mind of Christ. The word says we have it in 1 Corinthians 2:16. If we are a believer saved by grace we know immediately when our thoughts don’t line up with God. Our thoughts become convicting. The basis for developing the mind of Christ is the forgiveness and righteousness comes from the sacrificial death of a sinless and perfect Jesus. You must stand on the truth that he died for your sins. There is a struggle and a battle for your thoughts but if you are standing in Christ your standing on a rock solid foundation. No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. – Romans 8:37 NLT. Your thoughts may have convicted you, but remember if you moving in a direction away from porn that you are more than a conqueror. Our thoughts often turn to your own personal satisfaction and desire for sex, which in itself is not a bad thing. But porn often takes the place of God and becomes an idol where we give it our mind, attention and our bodies. This does not please God and as we learned plants seeds of destruction. However if we trust God for the right woman to marry and give him our worship, through our mind and body we are becoming more like Him. In this we develop into men living in a way that honors God, our wives or future wives.